This will be

the last blog I post, for simple reasons, I'll explain it :]

I made this blog to get out my emotions, to get things off my mind, it worked! I felt much less stressed out, it helped me through a lot.

But now... I don't need it, there isn't anything I'm upset about anymore, or confused about, I don't have to sit here and post things about me being happy or sad, because at this point, I don't need to explain it anymore.

If you know me... you'll know how my life has been going, there for, this isn't needed, because my emotions are true this time, plain to see, for everyone, and I'm happy I could do it. I got to the goal of this blog, and with it accomplished, it is finished.

For those who kept up with this blog, you've known what I've been through, there is no need for it now, thank you for your concerns, comments and faith in me. I love you all for it.

This is natalie, publishing her last blog post, may the new year bring you happiness and keep you safe.

Fuck off.

I get it, you're depressed, in fact, I think EVERYONE fucking knows it.

If you're trying to make me look like some worthless skank, good job! you're doing it.

Just what do you want? me to fall for you? Im sorry, but I can't do that, you're pushing it farther than it needs to be.

For once, just FUCKING ONCE, I want to choose my happiness!

I want me to be happy! Me! Okay? Im tired of caring too much!

You have no idea how much it hurts to sit here and know I'm ripping you apart, but will I sacrifice my joy? FUCK NO.

Not this time.

And you know what else? He is amazing, beyond what you know, beyond what you can see. Look, Im sorry he's a friend, Im sorry you had to make the connection. I am, Im sorry.

But Im not sorry for trying to keep you from knowing the truth. Does that make it a lie? No! If I wanted to lie to you, I would have, if I didn't want to talk to you, I wouldn't. And if I really fucking hated you, I would make damn sure you knew it.

Get back on your feet for gods sake, be a man, get over it.

Could it improve?

For once? Maybe this time. Who knows? I feel happy, very happy considering. Im not quite sure whats going on

I've been told to just let what happens happen, which I dont mind. its weird.

I see the future when I think about it, see a solid future. Its odd, faces are clear, no longer blurry, dreams are crisp and new. I wonder why that is.

Perhaps its a new window in my life, a new beginning, of something big?

Maybe the beginning to what could be an actual life, instead of just breathing in and out.

I'll wait and see in the next few weeks, just what exactly it all is, I'll just have to do that.

There could really be something here, I just have to let it open up so I can know for sure.

MIrror Mirror on the wall, whos the fairest of them all?

Not me thats for sure.

Ive found that I can be a terrible person, Ive known of this though, no problem, everyone has an evil. But recently Ive seen that terrible girl act out in ways she shouldnt. Why? I dont know to be honest.

Let me see if I can explain just at least something;

Hun, to be honest. Ive been having alot of problems, lots of school work, missing my sister, being alone alot, and fighting with you. Its been way to hard, and Im so close to my breaking point I could scream.

We fight, I dont know why, but we do. I dont talk to you because I know that it leads to fighting. I dont want it, I dont, no fighting.

You're very sweet, you're a great guy, you are, but there are things that just dont work well with me.

I dont know what all they are. But its like youve forgotten how old I am. Im only 15, I cant hang out every day. I have friends that I want to see from time to time, I cant devote my time to just one person all the time. It shuts me out from everyone, like it did before when I dated ryan. I forgot about everyone else and devoted much of my time with him. He was my first boyfriend, so I acted like an idiot and did so. The second time around I want friends in my life, and its like when I tell you Im going out with a friend or Im going with my mother someplace you just get too upset. too upset for me, I just can't... I dont know take it. Now Im scared to even be around you because Im afraid we'll fight, it just doesnt feel right with all of this fighting to be over at your house. To even talk feels unnatural. There are other things, but they are difficult to explain.

Look hun Im sorry for being a bitch and ignoring you, but Im scared to talk to you out of fear knowing that soon we'll fight. Im avoiding the fighting, so Im avoiding speaking. Im sorry that isnt nice. I know it isnt and Im sorry. but Im having a hard time right now with school and family.

I dont know Jon. Part of me wants to lets everything go right now so I can finally relax and stop worrying, part of me doesnt because Ive had a good time with you, you're a great guy jonathan. right now Im having personal trouble that I dont want to talk about to anyone really.

Im sorry

Seems we got, da na na na! bit of news! just listen to this,

I lol at kids who think they are scene and try to be cool.

Worst quote I've heard in some time,

"I think all time low is more musicly inclined than michael jackson."

Look. I wasn't a big fan of jackson,
but dude. really?


You kids need to get a life already, nobody cares who you want to swoon over at warped tour.

Jump in a lakeeee

Who have you become?

I don't know you anymore, that face that seems so familiar, is now so distant.
I'm sick of those lies, sick of all of the memories that seem so long gone.
Just who are you now? Who have you turned into?
I'm tired of hearing, "I'm a new person, you'll get used to it."
No, I really don't think I will.

I do understand, that you can move to a place and be a new person.
Trust me, I get that.
But the person you've turned into, isn't the girl I knew.
Isn't the same best friend...

Are you proud of yourself?
The girl I knew, would be disgusted with your actions.
All of the cursing, partying, fuck like shit.
God that isn't her.
Never has been to me at least.

So I ask anything left of the best friend I had, the best friend I hope is still there.
Look at yourself and honestly say, you like what you see.
Look into those eyes, and say the truth.
And if the truth is, yes, I like this natalie, and I'm not changing.
Then look at me and see the tears, see the lost forgotten eyes of someone who doesn't recongnize you.

See the past as you used to love it,
and see that past, who fears for the present.

I need them.

I need all of them.

plain and simple.

even if they dont realize it.

I love them too much to even care about how I feel anymore. So,

I need them.