My Current State...

Isn't very healthy, and I know this.
I want the happiness I've thought of, but I don't think that will happen, I'm very sad and lonely today, and I think I know why now. I hope I'm wrong, but I don't think I am. So fucking fantastic. Why can't things I want go the right way, it's really annoying. I'm so selfish, such a selfish person, I can't share and Im plagued with envy.
It creeps through me every minute.
I can't help but feel like I'm slipping away with the days.
Why is life so hard? I think I understand it, if it were easy, it would be boring.
If it were easy, I still wouldnt be happy,
because I would have to fight for what I want.
Not to say that I'm just downright sad and sulking all day, no, thats not it.
I have to be somewhat happy to hide it.
Part of me is happy, happy I have friends, happy I have family,
but my point is, I could be so much happier.
I need that other half that can make me happy.
I want that other half
sure I was dating for a long time not to long ago, and at some point I was happy, but I knew it wouldn't last much longer after awhile.
I'm sure that the one I'm after doesn't feel the same
So until I can try I'll wait.
Look at him with that fake happy smile plastered on my face.
Laugh the lie to keep everyone going.
Tell dishonest emotions when people ask,
and pray to god that no one can see past my flimsy little mask.