Monday, July 20, 2009

I need them.

I need all of them.

plain and simple.

even if they dont realize it.

I love them too much to even care about how I feel anymore. So,

I need them.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Just another mind rant

I wonder where I will be in a few years.
Just what college will I go to,
what friends will I have,
how successful will I be?
Hell I don't know, its hard to decide or even think about.

I have wishes, many of them, its odd to watch them change over time.
Just who will I date? Will it be my current boyfriend? a stranger? a friend I've known while I've dated my boyfriend?
Will I change my mind on what I want to be? It could change to anything, at any time.
The friends I have now, will they keep talking? In a few years will I be anything more than just a memory?

Why is everything a mystery...
Why can't I just know what happens? Then I wouldn't have to sit here and worry constantly
Am I doing the right thing?

I hate how life is a huge mystery, and I hate being the person
who doesn't know what the fuck she's doing.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

I sit here asking

all of these questions, all of these things.
I ask why people move, why people die, why people grow apart from each other.
I get no answer from some man in the sky
I get no answer from some man in the ground
I get no answer from man himself.
Why am I the way I am, who exactly helps shape who I am?
Its like I'm some piece of clay constantly being sculped.
Each artist, sits down and takes their time, until their hands are so dry, that they let a new artist try their luck.
Who are the few who tap on the artist shoulder to return to their previous work?
I dont know, I wish I did.

People are leaving, and I can't do anything about it.
Some aren't far, a few miles, maybe a city away.
But some are states away, some I will miss so much.

Some that I miss, I was extremely comfortable with, so close to.
Mr.R, Mr.H, Ms. K
Im so comfortable with them, beyond what you know.
I could walk in a room and be greeted with a hug, one that lasts longer than normal
a smiling face that asks simply how my day was, giving either sympathy or happiness with the response.
For no reason, a hand or two to hold, just because we can.
What makes the bounderies between friends? is it dating somebody else? the fact that people who are dating hold hands? hugging?
Who knows what it is, its odd to have friends who are close who I dont do that with, I want to but I dont, because I fear of what they will think.

for those of you who didnt know, dont compare to someone else in front of my face.
it makes me feel like Im just not good enough for you
Im not good enough of a friend.
I'm sorry.