Monday, May 4, 2009

Its about time

I came to realize what I've been hiding. Sadly I've been avoiding the truth for a few months, even when it was occuring.
It was just recently, actually that I told anyone, and it was a few of my close friends.
I made a nice little mental wall to keep the thoughts at a nice distance, but I knew it wouldnt last, and what do you know it didnt.
I find this an easy way to get it off my chest and finally get passed it, for some of you reading (my close friends) it will be something new, something I didnt want you to know, or even myself to know for that matter.

You all know I dated someone, and we broke up, we dated for a long long time.
But the one thing I hid was the fact that I was happy, and that there was something very wrong.
It wasnt huge, not the full blown effect,but there was indeed abuse.
Bruises that is, on my arms usually, I hid them with long sleeves and jackets, its why I never wore short sleeves.
Some of it, I know, wasn't on purpose. But some of it was.
He said sorry, more than once actually. But I always wondered if it was really from his heart.

I played happy, I pretended to be happy. Sometimes when it was happening, I was happy, because it WASNT happening, but slowly it did get worse, and slowly I was breaking.
Until I had had enough.
Thats one of the main reasons why I left, because I knew I didnt need that, I knew that it wasnt best for me.
Now I'm happy to say that have that off my chest, its the main reason why I did this blog, because a dear friend told me I shouldnt keep that locked inside.
And she was right, now that I've let it out in some way, I feel a hell of alot better.

I didnt do this for you to get pissed off and go shoot the guy, I did this for myself
I know thats selfish, but it needed to be done.

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