Seems we got, da na na na! bit of news! just listen to this,

I lol at kids who think they are scene and try to be cool.

Worst quote I've heard in some time,

"I think all time low is more musicly inclined than michael jackson."

Look. I wasn't a big fan of jackson,
but dude. really?


You kids need to get a life already, nobody cares who you want to swoon over at warped tour.

Jump in a lakeeee

Who have you become?

I don't know you anymore, that face that seems so familiar, is now so distant.
I'm sick of those lies, sick of all of the memories that seem so long gone.
Just who are you now? Who have you turned into?
I'm tired of hearing, "I'm a new person, you'll get used to it."
No, I really don't think I will.

I do understand, that you can move to a place and be a new person.
Trust me, I get that.
But the person you've turned into, isn't the girl I knew.
Isn't the same best friend...

Are you proud of yourself?
The girl I knew, would be disgusted with your actions.
All of the cursing, partying, fuck like shit.
God that isn't her.
Never has been to me at least.

So I ask anything left of the best friend I had, the best friend I hope is still there.
Look at yourself and honestly say, you like what you see.
Look into those eyes, and say the truth.
And if the truth is, yes, I like this natalie, and I'm not changing.
Then look at me and see the tears, see the lost forgotten eyes of someone who doesn't recongnize you.

See the past as you used to love it,
and see that past, who fears for the present.

I need them.

I need all of them.

plain and simple.

even if they dont realize it.

I love them too much to even care about how I feel anymore. So,

I need them.

Just another mind rant

I wonder where I will be in a few years.
Just what college will I go to,
what friends will I have,
how successful will I be?
Hell I don't know, its hard to decide or even think about.

I have wishes, many of them, its odd to watch them change over time.
Just who will I date? Will it be my current boyfriend? a stranger? a friend I've known while I've dated my boyfriend?
Will I change my mind on what I want to be? It could change to anything, at any time.
The friends I have now, will they keep talking? In a few years will I be anything more than just a memory?

Why is everything a mystery...
Why can't I just know what happens? Then I wouldn't have to sit here and worry constantly
Am I doing the right thing?

I hate how life is a huge mystery, and I hate being the person
who doesn't know what the fuck she's doing.

I sit here asking

all of these questions, all of these things.
I ask why people move, why people die, why people grow apart from each other.
I get no answer from some man in the sky
I get no answer from some man in the ground
I get no answer from man himself.
Why am I the way I am, who exactly helps shape who I am?
Its like I'm some piece of clay constantly being sculped.
Each artist, sits down and takes their time, until their hands are so dry, that they let a new artist try their luck.
Who are the few who tap on the artist shoulder to return to their previous work?
I dont know, I wish I did.

People are leaving, and I can't do anything about it.
Some aren't far, a few miles, maybe a city away.
But some are states away, some I will miss so much.

Some that I miss, I was extremely comfortable with, so close to.
Mr.R, Mr.H, Ms. K
Im so comfortable with them, beyond what you know.
I could walk in a room and be greeted with a hug, one that lasts longer than normal
a smiling face that asks simply how my day was, giving either sympathy or happiness with the response.
For no reason, a hand or two to hold, just because we can.
What makes the bounderies between friends? is it dating somebody else? the fact that people who are dating hold hands? hugging?
Who knows what it is, its odd to have friends who are close who I dont do that with, I want to but I dont, because I fear of what they will think.

for those of you who didnt know, dont compare to someone else in front of my face.
it makes me feel like Im just not good enough for you
Im not good enough of a friend.
I'm sorry.

~nat

a post on my gaia journal

"I've had this pit in my stomach feeling, like something just wasn't right.It's a feeling that is just so sad, it makes me want to cry.

However I dont know what it is, that is what is pissing me off so bad.I want to be happy, I really really do, but I just can't.worst part is, I kinda feel like shutting everyone out so I can think. But there are some people that I just can't do that to. but there are some that I just need out for the time being.

Some part of me is stuck on something.
Upset about something, and can't get rid of it.

And Im sure I'll feel like this next year...I guess a welcome to hell would work from the "devil" right about now.

Koromi Lala is now offline."

Recent findings....

been a little time since I last blogged, I think its time for a good rant, I have a few new findings that bug me, so lets begin.





Ehem.





My visit to washington/maryland;


overall I guess it was pretty good, washington was a sight to behold, I wish I could have seen more. Alas it would take 50 years to look at everything, and I dont have that time.


Things on the homefront weren't so good.


I spent the 10 days worth with a close friend of mine


whenever she stays there, she complains about how bad it is.


to be honest, it isnt that bad.


Sure, the stepmom is a little bit of a neat-freak


yeah she has an annoying younger sister


okay, her dads a bit concerned about her.


But whats the problem with that really? I dont see anything to truely hate.


Plus I can see why her father is so concerned, she never leaves her room!


which let me tell you, can get tiring all in its own.


I mean, I like contact more than I let off sometimes, I thrive for people and attention (sounds sickening, bleh I digust myself sometimes)


all she does is sit on the computer, and Im here like "uhh, you can move the laptop DOWNSTAIRS, you know."


so many excuses she has, its crazy.


she doesnt really seem to care extremely about the twins (babies)


there is some emotion, just not alot of it, she says its cause she didnt want her father and stepmom to have children


what would the babies do?


Sure they change plans alot,but every baby does that.


Plus, it wasnt fair to her stepmom, who wanted to have children.


she didnt seem to like my visit very much, felt almost like the rest of her family liked me more than her.


that really hurts to be honest, almost like a waste of time.

Next up, british people!

I'v come to notice how NASTY british girls are to each other, good god I've never seen such disgusting people.

God bless megan for going through this strong, they are terrrible.

the thing I love reading most is,

"I hate girls, I just really do, can't stand them, fuck them all."

Oh wow really? Hate them that much? damn sugar, thats rough.

but uhh, how about you open you open your eyes.

point one. You complained about how they cause so much drama, but the ironic thing is, I've watched YOU cause drama, all the way here in the US!

point two. You talked about how you are more close to your male friends. You know, I see no problem in that, but here's the kicking line, quoted;

"I’m not joking when I say this, I mean it seriously. I don’t get why so many girls have a problem with me… So what I prefer to hang out with guys because I feel like I can get on with them better and they aren’t as bitchy? I’m sorry for not being who you want me to be, okay?"

the reason why loads of girls hate you sweetpea, is because you are a fucking bitch. You've chewed out my best friend for doing nothing, .N.O.T.H.I.N.G. you pick fights, you pick on people, and thats pretty low. but the only reason why you do it is because of how low you think of yourself, which is a bullshit excuse, I think low of myself and do go up to someone and go "hey, just so you know, I really hate your personality, it pisses me off, stop. KAYTHANKSBYE!"

Im proud of megan for pushing other friends away who were dirt, I just hope she can tell Miss little pole-up-her-ass to fuck off. if not, I'll do it gladly :]

Last little bit, won't be long.

I miss my friends :[ this next year is going to be tough without them.

I'm gonna be sad alot next year, I can feel it.

people whom I miss;

Jon, Megan, Greg, Jared, Micah, Michael, Kayla, Felicia, Jonathan, Patrick, Annie, Lily, Anne

well Im tired of my ranting, until next time.

Bai bai

nat